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Budget cooking: shitty chicken and holy shit risotto

 So I've got some chicken wings I want to cook, and I'm thinking, "You know what would be awesome? I can make a batter and bake these. It'll be amazing." I then proceeded to fuck it all up to hell and back. Luckily, I made some kickass risotto to go along with it, and that pretty much saved the meal.

See that shit? That's before it was finished, mind you, but it was already looking spectacular. First, though, let's address the absolute shitshow that was my chicken wings.

I had a little bit of my spicy mayo left, so I was originally going to coat the wings with that, then cover them with bread crumbs seasoned with salt and cayenne. Then I had the bright idea to mix the mayo into the bread crumbs to make a batter.

Unfortunately, that made a thick paste that didn't stick to the chicken and just looked like dog shit smeared on the wings. I said "fuck it" and threw it in the oven at 350 to cook for about 45 minutes.

It essentially ended up as unseasoned chicken with a chunk of overseasoned hushpuppy on top. It was an absolutely abomination and I should be shot. It was, however, still somewhat edible, so at least it didn't go to waste.

But let's get to the rice. Clockwise from the front right, we have diced mushroom, grated onion (about 3tbsp) and garlic (2 cloves), shredded Romano cheese, and minced bell pepper. If you weren't already aware, grating garlic and onion is a cheat code. Do it. You're welcome.

I started up the onion and garlic in some butter and let them get just a touch of color.

Then I dumped a few handfuls of rice on top. You're lucky I had estimates on the measurements for the onion and garlic. I sautéed the rice with the garlic and onion for a little bit, added a little olive oil, and kept it going to puff up the rice and give it some of that onion and garlic flavor.

After a few minutes, I added the bell pepper in, kept cooking for a few minutes, then added the mushroom with a little more oil and a few dashes of salt. 

Once the pepper and mushroom had softened a little bit, I added a bit of water to start simmering everything together. When the water was cooked down about halfway, I poured in maybe a half cup of white wine, kept keeping everything stirred, and waited for it to reduce a bit. I do have a slight confession: I've had a jar of real saffron in my spice cabinet since 2012. It may still be usable, so I dumped some of that in, too.

After a few minutes, the liquid had cooked down a bit more, so I added some cream and, while stirring  continuously with my spatula, dropped in a bit of the Romano to help thicken it up. 

When the rice seemed to be about finished, I dropped in another tablespoon of butter (cut into a few chunks) and kept mixing to get everything right. I finished with a little bit of black pepper and removed the pan from the already low heat.

You can tell the risotto is finished when it's thick enough that it won't immediately fill in when you scrape the fan, but liquid enough to still eventually seep across.

So yeah, I spooned my risotto onto the plate and it was fabulous. Then I stuck a piece of shit excuse for a chicken wing on there, too, and embarrassed myself again. Pro tip: choke the shitty chicken down as quickly as possible, then enjoy the rice. Now, I know real risotto uses broth. I didn't have any. Go fuck yourself.

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