ODG Eats

I still relish the memory of the first time I ate an authentic curry while summering in the north of Connecticut as a precocious child. Wait, never mind. That's bullshit. Sorry, I read a couple other food blogs this week and forgot that this is supposed to be about food, not being a pretentious dipshit who tries to assert my own superiority over everyone else due to my family's wealth. We did okay, but we weren't any of those rich assholes who thinks that authentic anything comes from northern Connecticut. Fuck that shit. This is a place for real food. Well, the pasta-making bug has bitten my ass in spades. After my pre-seasoned spaghetti and meatballs  experiment, I started thinking about what other weird shit I could do. The first idea I had, for better or worse, was making my own curry powder and mixing it into some noodle dough. I also wanted to make some vegan noodles for my vegan friends, so I mixed water with flour and extra virgin olive oil to make the dough. I just...

You ever just been lazing around on a Sunday thinking, "Man, I have no chores, no responsibilities, all the time in the world, and plenty of energy to spend on cooking!" while surveying your property? Me neither, but I chose to ignore my responsibilities to spend a few hours making spaghetti and meatballs from as close to scratch as I could.  I actually read a recipe for making pasta. It said to make a "nest" out of two cups of flour, then crack three eggs into the middle with a little olive oil and salt. I decided I wanted to be fancy, so I added in some basil, oregano, and parsley. I like my noodles to be interesting. I would like to quickly note: I am not Jacques Pépin, Martha Stewart, or Garden Contessa, so I don't have fancy little herbs growing just outside my door. I like using fresh ingredients as much as possible, but it's not always possible. I couldn't find oregano or basil at Kroger, so I grabbed one of these little bastards. They're drie...

I picked up a pack of pork chops at Kroger the other day because it was grocery shopping time and I love pork chops. Seemed like some damned sound reasoning to me. Anyway, after I got home from the store, I had to make myself some lunch because it was lunchtime and I was hungry. I was on a fucking roll with my logic. Since I had pork chops, bread, and a few other ingredients, pork chop sandwiches seemed like the logical conclusion. I might be a logician. First off, I cooked my pork chops. They were seasoned with some salt and pepper, then pan fried in butter and olive oil. I'm not breaking any new ground here. This is a pork chop sandwich. They're simple. They're lovely. They're what's for dinner. When the chops were cooked, I pulled them out and let them rest, then dumped some thinly sliced red onion into the same pan and let those start browning. I love me some red onion. Of course, I couldn't just let that lie. I added some thinly sliced mushroom to the pan o...

So I know a person or two who don't like eating carbohydrates because they hate happiness or something. I'm not sure. That's what I've been able to glean. Anyway, they like this lavash bread stuff, which is just really fucking flat bread that's low in carbs. Just for a comparison: a slice of white bread has (on average) 15g of carbs, a slice of whole wheat bread has (on average) 12g of carbs, and half of a lavash flatbread has (on average) 8g of carbs. Significantly less, right? So we're cooking with that shit. I decided to make a chicken flatbread with it because I wanted pizza and the bread was flat, so that was a win-win. I cubed up some chicken legs, seasoned them with salt, and browned them in olive oil. I made sure not to cook it all the way through since it was going into the oven and I didn't want to dry that shit out. I decided to use olive oil since this meal was kind of Italian-ish and so is olive oil or something. I also didn't want to fuck w...

If at first you don't succeed, you fucked up, so change something and make it better. That's what Palmer should have said, but he was a babyback bitch. Yeah, I said it.  So my first attempt was a glorified leather hockey puck. "This time is gonna be better," I swore to myself. Also, I swore a lot to myself throughout cooking this shit. I didn't score the beef this time, but I did still season with just salt and pepper. I'm trying to keep this shit simple and focus on the texture. The flavor will sort itself out. I did a bit of a reverse...well...everything with this attempt. The beef was on a broiler pan, which I put on the bottom rack of my oven, then I stuck an inverted Pyrex casserole dish on top of it. The dish extended a little past the edges of the pan, so air could get up in there. I also put a layer of aluminum foil on top of the casserole dish for extra insulation. Once again, I was going for a low and slow-style cook: think smoking meat without actu...